New Year, New You

New Year, New You

In 2013 I became a person I don’t like. I have a lazy, I-hate-the-world, woe is me attitude. I have a great life and don’t deserve to be any of those things.

I’m not saying that 2014 is going to change my personality entirely but I will try damn hard. I’m going to bash the negativity and let more positivity in. I need to do this for me. I’ve recently wondered if I’m really happy or not and the blunt answer to that is that I’m not- in the slightest. I don’t think that I am being the best version of myself and that I could be better and do better for the world around me.

I sit on my computer nearly all day. Which would be fine if I was doing productive things on there but the majority of the time I’m not. I need to get my butt into gear and do something with my life. But dear lord I am 20 years old, surely there is something in the real world that I could be doing. One thing I plan on doing, to give me something to do, is volunteering. In my town we have a children’s museum that is always looking for volunteers. I get along with kids really well and they genuinely make me happy. I love the way that they see the world, and I think we should all view it like them.

The next thing on my list is to become a healthier person. It is hard right now, as I live in a dorm room, but I will try with all my might to be as healthy as I can. I want to start by eating better.  Not only by eating food that is better for me, but eating natural foods. I want to cut out any preservatives and additives that I am currently eating just because I think I will feel better. I’ve already cut down my soda intake a ton but I would be happy not drinking any at all… coffee on the other hand will always be part of my diet. Right now I don’t exercise whatsoever, apart from walking to class. That is not okay with me because I used to exercise all the time. I’m not going to join a gym because I know that won’t work. I found an article on how to begin running, and I plan on doing just that. I will devote myself to the 20 minutes it takes and do it every day- like I said before I’m done being lazy.

I started my blog in October of 2013 but I have been so lazy with it. I hardly ever post and when I do it is some sort of angsty rant. I want fewer of those. I want to post on here at least 3 times a week. I’m thinking of having themed days just to narrow down my ideas. I want to continuously post so that I can become a much better blogger. I absolutely love doing this and want to take it to some new level. I would like to promote myself on some other blogs and have there be good content for new readers to see. I want to see my audience grow and bring the ones already here along for the ride of my lifetime.

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2013: A Year in Review

2013: A Year in Review

To be quite frank I’m not entirely happy with how 2013 turned out and I’m looking forward to changing that in the new year. I let too much negativity into my life and I just need to be start being happy as me. Become the best version of myself; easier said then done. 

Tomorrow or Tuesdays post will be all about my new years resolutions, don’t worry this blog is coming along for the ride. I just wanted to look back on some of the littler things that happened this year, whether good or bad.

  • Went to Florida with my nephew and mom
  • Took a train for the first time to Chicago with some college friends
  • Surprised my best friend at her prom
  • Moved houses (again)
  • Met Darren Criss and went to the best concert of my life
  • Bought a Jodi Picoult book that happened to be signed
  • My puppy died, RIP Rupert- I’ll always love you
  • Nannied for the last time, maybe.
  • Left all of my friends behind while switching to a new college
  • Surprised my friend for her birthday where I met my new college friend
  • Started having panic attacks again
  • Survived my Oral Comm class
  • Declared my major and minor

To me these are really little things with the negative far outweighing the positive. As arrogant as this may seem…2014 is all about me. 

Aside

Recently, on Twitter, I’ve been seeing people recommend a documentary called Blackfish. As the animal lover that I am, I decided to give it a go.

The best way to describe the movie is that it is an observation of killer whales at Sea World, or just in captivity, compared to those in the wild. You hear a lot from former Sea World trainers and a group called OSHA. It would be nice to hear from the other side but at the end of the movie they tell you that they declined repeatedly.

It is absolutely disgusting how these animals are treated. Stuck in a concrete cage, and used for our entertainment. I will admit when I was younger I enjoyed things like this or circuses but as I’ve gotten older I’ve realized just how wrong and sick it is. 

There are so many other things you could be doing for your entertainment rather then gawking at animals in captivity. Go to a reserve or a place where you know for a fact that the animals are put back in the wild after they’ve been nursed to health. 

The other thing that really got to me were the blatant lies that Sea World was telling the public and the things that they kept from their trainers. I know a lot of big companies will lie through their teeth but I doubt they will continuously lie about multiple peoples deaths. 

A Source of Anxiety

A Source of Anxiety

When I saw the daily post today, I thought FINALLY something I can relate to and write about.

If you know me personally, you’ll know that little noises drive me absolutely insane. Some of which are: biting your nails, chewing with your mouth open, and continually opening and shutting your clicky wallet. I don’t know why that is but it has just always been one of my quirks.

It started off with me just being irritate by my mom but it has grew to anyone that is around me.

Most recently, it has been a noise that my heater makes. I live in a college dorm room so there is nothing that I can really do about it. The only thing that I have discovered is that when the heaters off, it stops making the noise. So now I suffer from the cold instead of the noise, which is great when it’s 5 degrees Fahrenheit  outside. The most irritating thing about it is that it is right next to my desk. Being that it is the end of the semester and finals are just around the corner, you can probably sense my frustration. With each click I can hear what I’m supposed to be doing, how little time I have, how I don’t know what to do with my life, and the insanity continues. With all of this it builds infinitely more anxiety, that I frankly don’t need. 

Do small noises bother anyone else? Does anyone have any techniques to deal with them?

Confession Time with Emily

Confession Time with Emily

I feel like I should do these so often because my last one, who’s in control of my life, went really well and I really enjoyed writing it. This seems to be a recurring theme not only on this blog, but also in my life.

Confession #1 I kind of hate college. Not in that jokey, hah I have too much homework and no friends but truly despise it. Trust me, I have thought about dropping out I just don’t know what I would do.

My entire life I have struggled with academics. It’s not because I thought they were that hard or anything I just didn’t like learning what I wasn’t interested in. This made studying and doing homework a really difficult time for me. In high school, I was just completely off the grid. I hardly ever studied for any of my tests. Unless it was math, that I understood because it was easy to me. But history or science, no thank you. I don’t think I ever read an entire English book assigned, and if I did I would do it on my own pace, so the tests would be over when I got to that certain place. I am not saying this is a good thing whatsoever, I am just saying that this has always been my way. I never got anything lower than a C in a class though. Go figure. I don’t know why I thought it would be drastically different in college, but its not. I still only do assigned things and maybe read through the information like once. I try to pull myself to study but I just can’t. A lot of the time when I do that I get distracted or just plain irritated at myself because I can’t retain anything. I have one class specifically for my major, which I should love right? Nope. I hate it, I never do the readings before class, and I dread going to that class every week.

So, Emily, why not just drop out then? Well two, actually three, reasons. One: I feel like there is an expectation put on me by my family, friends, and society that I should be in college. I don’t know how they would react if I suddenly just left. I think that world around me would look down upon me, and I just don’t know if I would be able to handle that. I think I would be treated differently if I don’t have a college background. As strange as this may sound, I am a person who often thinks screw what everyone else thinks; but I don’t know what I’d do without my constant support. The other problem I have is that I have no idea what I would do. If you think about it, that’s a lot of time on your hands. I like to look ahead and in this future I just see a tunnel of blankness. I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing, but who am I to take the risk. I would also love to travel but I wouldn’t want to go alone and I don’t know who I could talk in to go with me. The only thing I’ve ever really been passionate about is the Internet and I just don’t know how to make that my future. I love writing these blogs, I love making vlogs, but as of right now, I don’t make any money from that. And unfortunately, money is something I have to take into consideration for the future. If you have any tips to becoming an Internet person, please do let me know. Last, in all honesty: I’m afraid. I’ve always been afraid of the unknown and in a future without a set path I don’t know what would happen. This terrifies me to no end. So much so, that I’ll go through the next few years of college because it is a guided, structured path. 

Tattoo!

Tattoo!

I saw that the daily post today was on tattoos and decided to add my own opinion.

I have one tattoo on the top of my foot but I have ideas for at least two to three more. The one I have now is three stars and it represents the three stars on top of the Harry Potter pages. This will always be my favorite series and will represent my passion and love for reading. 

The next one I want is to go on the side of my wrist. I want it to simply say Wonder. I like this because the definition of wonder is, “a feeling of surprise mingled with admiration, caused by something beautiful, unexpected, unfamiliar, or inexplicable.” and I think that really is beautiful and something I should always remind myself of.

I want to get an anchor on the side of my foot with my best friend. This is to represent how we’ve kept each other grounded over the years. Also, that no matter how far apart we may be: we will always have that consistent reminder. It’ll keep my close to home if I move, which I plan on.

Lastly, I want some sort of a compass or map. The need to travel runs through my veins at a pace I can’t control. I’ve always been a person that likes discovering new places or looking at a place I’ve been countless times and viewing it with different eyes. 

Prompt