I feel like I should do these so often because my last one, who’s in control of my life, went really well and I really enjoyed writing it. This seems to be a recurring theme not only on this blog, but also in my life.
Confession #1 I kind of hate college. Not in that jokey, hah I have too much homework and no friends but truly despise it. Trust me, I have thought about dropping out I just don’t know what I would do.
My entire life I have struggled with academics. It’s not because I thought they were that hard or anything I just didn’t like learning what I wasn’t interested in. This made studying and doing homework a really difficult time for me. In high school, I was just completely off the grid. I hardly ever studied for any of my tests. Unless it was math, that I understood because it was easy to me. But history or science, no thank you. I don’t think I ever read an entire English book assigned, and if I did I would do it on my own pace, so the tests would be over when I got to that certain place. I am not saying this is a good thing whatsoever, I am just saying that this has always been my way. I never got anything lower than a C in a class though. Go figure. I don’t know why I thought it would be drastically different in college, but its not. I still only do assigned things and maybe read through the information like once. I try to pull myself to study but I just can’t. A lot of the time when I do that I get distracted or just plain irritated at myself because I can’t retain anything. I have one class specifically for my major, which I should love right? Nope. I hate it, I never do the readings before class, and I dread going to that class every week.
So, Emily, why not just drop out then? Well two, actually three, reasons. One: I feel like there is an expectation put on me by my family, friends, and society that I should be in college. I don’t know how they would react if I suddenly just left. I think that world around me would look down upon me, and I just don’t know if I would be able to handle that. I think I would be treated differently if I don’t have a college background. As strange as this may sound, I am a person who often thinks screw what everyone else thinks; but I don’t know what I’d do without my constant support. The other problem I have is that I have no idea what I would do. If you think about it, that’s a lot of time on your hands. I like to look ahead and in this future I just see a tunnel of blankness. I don’t know if that is a good or a bad thing, but who am I to take the risk. I would also love to travel but I wouldn’t want to go alone and I don’t know who I could talk in to go with me. The only thing I’ve ever really been passionate about is the Internet and I just don’t know how to make that my future. I love writing these blogs, I love making vlogs, but as of right now, I don’t make any money from that. And unfortunately, money is something I have to take into consideration for the future. If you have any tips to becoming an Internet person, please do let me know. Last, in all honesty: I’m afraid. I’ve always been afraid of the unknown and in a future without a set path I don’t know what would happen. This terrifies me to no end. So much so, that I’ll go through the next few years of college because it is a guided, structured path.